Friday Night Lights!

Last night I played a softball double header! I love softball, played 4 yrs of fast pitch in high school and 3 yrs of slow pitch after high school. I always played hard and enjoyed every minute of it, until I got married and had my first child. The start of our marriage was in another state from where I had always been. I was taken from my comfort zone, I moved to a city where I experienced a huge culture shock. I never really was able to find a place to play and truly I was scared to join a team with no one I knew. So, I suffered in silence. I have for years dwelled on who I use to be and how different my life has become. Until last night, when for 2 hours I played like 7 years hadn't past and life was simple again. I left it all out on the field and was extremely happy my skills weren't as rusty as I thought they might be. I may be sore, bruised and a little bloody but I batted like a champ and fielded even better! Can't wait till next Friday!

Won the first game and lost the second by only 2 runs

This is a new chapter of my life, I enjoyed something from my past with my husband! He played left field and I played left center, he encouraged me the entire time and was so very supportive. Thanks to him I was able to get a little of the old ME back!

On this day....

Tonight, baby boy sat up all on his own with no hands! He has been sitting with either one or both hands on the ground supporting him, but tonight he really wanted his satin butterfly in his mouth. He grabbed it with both hands and shoveled it into his mouth not thinking about support and there he was balancing on his little diapered butt. Congratulations lil'man for another milestone.

25th of the month

My little man is 6 months old today! He has been such a blessing. My heart is whole with him in my life, I have everything I ever wanted and more [since I never planned on him being here :0)]! He is rolling over and getting into a sitting position all on his own, he is getting on all fours and rocking, and he is lifting his leg to crawl and squirming all over the place! He is such a strong boy and he makes every day interesting and full of love! He lifts my spirits and brings a smile to my face. He is ticklish on his sides and he giggles when you tickle him there, he is such a happy boy with loads of personality. He loves to smile and is infatuated with his big sister. He watches her play, he looks life a tennis spectator when she rides her bike with his head going back and forth as she rides past him. She loves to play and talk to him and he just gobbles up the attention. He knows his Daddy and loves it when he gets home from work because he gets mooches and hugs from him. But most of all him and I have a bond. I am still nursing him which has made us extremely close. He likes to shop, be outside and go for walks. The lights, sounds and fresh air keep him happy and content. He is so very handsome and loving.

Happy half birthday lil'man! XOXOXO

Nothing Much

Not a lot happened today. I rearranged my daughters room and moved her desk to my area. This way she will be able to play, color and create while I am on my laptop or busy with other things. Her room is extremely more functional now. I played with my son, he is growing so fast, I don't remember LM growing this fast. He wants to go go go, with rug burns on all parts of his body including his forehead. He has the most incredible smell, if only I could bottle it. Played catch with my husband and daugther for a little while this afternoon and then I watched a couple of movies with the husband. And now I am drinking tea and reflecting on the day. It smells wonderful in my house with the sweet aroma of burning vanilla and mulled cider candles. I am off to get the little one back to sleep and then to snuggle up in my cleanly bleached sheets in my warm comfortable bed. Night world!

Little Miss and her 5 yrs of honesty

Picture this, I am in the shower, Lil'Man in his swing staring at me, Little Miss walks into the bathroom and says I have to potty. She uses the bathroom and comes out with a contemplative look on her face and then asks me "Mommy why do you have hair on your poepoe (code for vagina)?" UM, what to say what to say! Well, "because I just do" (great answer, I know) "when you are older you will too". Little Miss "When I am older like Layla?" (my 18 yr old niece). "Yes when you are older like Layla", "Does Layla have hair on her poepoe?", "Yes she does"! Should I give Layla a heads up encase the questions ensue?????? And the questions begin!

Need to make a little time...

I had no idea almost two years ago that my life would have taken the direction it has taken. I stopped blogging because life got in the way. I started doing this to find time for myself and I have done any thing but find time. When my fly boy got home, we moved, I started a new job (that I hated) and then just forgot to take care of myself. Then, we began proceedings on buying a short sale home. That was an adventure, finally we moved into our home after 6 months of negotiations. During this process, my husband went for 6 weeks of training and the evening before he left we conceived our son. Children were not on our horizon, we were happy being a family of three, but I guess life had other plans. At first I was devastated, I couldn't imagine my life changing from the path I was on, how could this be I thought? Slowly the idea of another child grew on me, then in late September this little tiny precious life was wrapped tightly and placed in my lap for his first nursing and my heart melted. He was perfect, after all the worry and heart ache, here lie perfection! I just couldn't fathom having another mouth to feed and then as I was starting to enjoy my pregnancy, a doctor with no tact gave me news that was devastating. "Your child has three soft markers for down syndrome", ultrasound findings. With an incredibly supportive other half, we decided to not have an amniocenteses and love our baby no matter what the outcome. Four months of worrying, most of it silent because he (husband) ensured me the baby was perfect and we had nothing to worry about, the baby came screaming into this world with not a single flaw. My little man is almost six months and our family is complete. I had no idea what I was missing until he came into our lives. I have left my horrid job to stay home with my children which is fantastic, however financially draining. I am taking donations ;0). I am again going to find time for myself. I have made several New Year resolutions, I will delve into these topics further in future blogs. Finding time to write is one, so here I am back on my blog writing and enjoying every push of the keys.

Things were great but now....

Am I trying too hard to make something happen that I can't? Are we just too different? Have we been too changed by past events, that we just can't go back now? Decisions which I have made in the past may have influenced the way things are today, but is there a way to look past all of that and still be happy? I don't know the answer to any of these questions, but the one thing I do know ~ is ~ I can't go on the way things are now.

It's hard to change, but am I worth it? Can I ever be the women of your dreams, or will I always be the women of your reality, the one who is with you becasue it is easy. Not the who makes you happy, but the one who consistently makes you unhappy.

I hate facing this! I don't want to try anymore, I just want it to be there, to be natural. Why does it have to be so hard, so forced? Can't I ever be the one who every other women envies? The "perfect" life ~ a relative term?

... or were they ever GREAT?!