Need to make a little time...

I had no idea almost two years ago that my life would have taken the direction it has taken. I stopped blogging because life got in the way. I started doing this to find time for myself and I have done any thing but find time. When my fly boy got home, we moved, I started a new job (that I hated) and then just forgot to take care of myself. Then, we began proceedings on buying a short sale home. That was an adventure, finally we moved into our home after 6 months of negotiations. During this process, my husband went for 6 weeks of training and the evening before he left we conceived our son. Children were not on our horizon, we were happy being a family of three, but I guess life had other plans. At first I was devastated, I couldn't imagine my life changing from the path I was on, how could this be I thought? Slowly the idea of another child grew on me, then in late September this little tiny precious life was wrapped tightly and placed in my lap for his first nursing and my heart melted. He was perfect, after all the worry and heart ache, here lie perfection! I just couldn't fathom having another mouth to feed and then as I was starting to enjoy my pregnancy, a doctor with no tact gave me news that was devastating. "Your child has three soft markers for down syndrome", ultrasound findings. With an incredibly supportive other half, we decided to not have an amniocenteses and love our baby no matter what the outcome. Four months of worrying, most of it silent because he (husband) ensured me the baby was perfect and we had nothing to worry about, the baby came screaming into this world with not a single flaw. My little man is almost six months and our family is complete. I had no idea what I was missing until he came into our lives. I have left my horrid job to stay home with my children which is fantastic, however financially draining. I am taking donations ;0). I am again going to find time for myself. I have made several New Year resolutions, I will delve into these topics further in future blogs. Finding time to write is one, so here I am back on my blog writing and enjoying every push of the keys.

I got nothing...or is it something?

I don't really have much to say again... it seems I have started this whole blog thing when my life was not all that interesting. I would like to think my life is always interesting, but who knows. I guess everyday is an adventure and I should use every second and every minute of every day to JUST LIVE! So, in the spirit of all this and in the journey of discovering who I am and what makes me~ME, I suppose I will look deeper and try to sort out all the everyday life crap and get to the truth of what makes me tick. Why was I put on this earth to live? What do I have to offer? And not even offer the world, but what do I offer myself? What is most enjoyable in my life and why do I keep on, keepin on? Well, I am sure only time will tell for some of these questions, but for the my entertainment I will try to get to the bottom of some of this tonight and maybe even provide myself with some food for thought.





So, J and Allie have been talking a lot about tattoos and it has made want another one! Just when I thought I was done and the bug was smashed, haha, think again! When I was 19, it was just after finals and the completion of my first year in college, my friend and I took a congratulatory road trip to the great state of Missouri and landed in the wonderful city of St. Louis! My friend was from there, so with her parents money we headed to spend a week of fun and relaxation to recuperate from the tenuous semester which we just completed. I believe it was about a 3 hour drive and we had a blast the entire way there. So, we get settled in our hotel room and start our adventures at Union Station and we ended up hitting all the tourist attractions, but on the third day in town we head down to the Loop. I was excited and couldn't wait for what I had been ultimately planning for months, my first Tattoo! Yeah! So I sit down with idea in hand, no messing this one up, I had the whole thing planned out to a T! Trust me, its for life! So, anyways I get my first tattoo, a frog that looks like he is climbing up my back! Background: I have been collecting frog stuff, like frog everything since the age of 5, so when frogs became popular, it really annoyed me! Anyways, so my tattoo is green and blue and at the small of my back. I was really happy with it, it was perfect! It didn't hurt at all like I thought it would! So, 7 years later thinking well the first one didn't hurt that bad, I thought well I want another one! A month ago, I headed to Bad Apple in Vegas and got my second tattoo. A lily flower on my foot. I love it... so freaking awesome... exactly what I wanted and it has so much more meaning behind it then the frog. I still love my frog, but don't really ever see it, so this one is fabulous because I can see it all the time. But, this one was oh holy mother of god WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION painful! Hurt like, hell was burning off my skin one layer at a time, Satan was stabbing me with his pitch fork, the whole time throwing his head back with his evil laugh, HAHAHAHA you sucker! But really that stupid bug has crawled back up and whispered in my ear, you know you want to, just do it, just one more time, shhhhh I won't tell, heheh! I will keep you posted, perhaps there is another tattoo lingering in my future!

NEXT TOPIC: I read The Ice Queen by Alice Hoffman last night and finished today at work (why I didn't blog last night) and IT WAS AWESOME! I have a friend who loves to read, ok well I have a lot of friends and family who love to read, and really I never understood (until today) why I didn't like to read. I always wanted to get interested in it and be a book worm, but I just couldn't. Today, while talking with my friend, the one who recommends most of my readings lately, including The Lovely Bones, I came to the truth behind my lack of reading. It is because I have never been comfortable with my reading skills. I had to be fitted with bifocals when I was in the second grade because my eye would turn in when I focused (eventually I trained my eye and didn't have to wear them anymore) and since then I was always nervous reading aloud and was never confident in my reading skills. I should have known better, I was an honors student and was in the national honors society, but I just was afraid of what I might find if I read and couldn't do it fast or was constantly looking up how to pronounce words or looking for definitions. I was SO wrong, I LOVE TO READ. It is so much fun and I get so engulfed in what I am reading, it is like I am right there. I read faster then I ever thought I could and I just flow across the pages. I have noticed the more and more I read the more I can't wait to move on to the next book. So, my friend is bring in some of her favorites to me tomorrow, can't wait to get started on them this weekend!

Just the tip of the iceberg of who I am...