Things were great but now....

Am I trying too hard to make something happen that I can't? Are we just too different? Have we been too changed by past events, that we just can't go back now? Decisions which I have made in the past may have influenced the way things are today, but is there a way to look past all of that and still be happy? I don't know the answer to any of these questions, but the one thing I do know ~ is ~ I can't go on the way things are now.

It's hard to change, but am I worth it? Can I ever be the women of your dreams, or will I always be the women of your reality, the one who is with you becasue it is easy. Not the who makes you happy, but the one who consistently makes you unhappy.

I hate facing this! I don't want to try anymore, I just want it to be there, to be natural. Why does it have to be so hard, so forced? Can't I ever be the one who every other women envies? The "perfect" life ~ a relative term?

... or were they ever GREAT?!

Getting from point A to B

I am the author of my own life. I need no one to tell me how to live my life. I need friends and family to help guide and give advice, but sometimes I need to just make one own choices. Whether the decision is the right one or not, I do not need anyone judging me, especially when that person calls me a friend. Friends are open and honest and if need be they keep secrets. They don't snoop and spread gossip. Why do I trust people with my most intimate secrets just to be stabbed in the back. I have kept many of secrets in my day and I believe myself to be a trustworthy friend, why is it that I can't find that in others? Why am I so trusting? I hate to be so naive, but I don't want to look for the worst in people.

This does not apply to my most bestest of friends, because I know I can trust them with my life! The last two days have been, WOW! Ups and downs, drama and more drama. I just want an easy path to the near future, not this wading through muck to get there. Life is changing very soon and well to be honest I am not sure I have been handling it all that well. I thought I was on the right track, but FUCK i am not making very good choices lately. I am now trying to recognize these mistakes and move forward.